The decision to leave an abusive partner is a courageous step, but it often triggers an escalation in the cycle of abuse. Some abusive men resort to increasingly dangerous tactics in a desperate attempt to maintain power and control over their partners. Understanding the underlying reasons for this escalation is crucial for recognizing warning signs and seeking necessary support.
Sense of Entitlement and Lack of Accountability
Some abusers have an inflated sense of entitlement, believing they have the right to treat their partner however they want without facing consequences (Bancroft, 2003). When the woman leaves, they cannot accept the outcome of their own abusive actions, so they escalate further to make her feel guilty.
Power and Control
At its core, domestic abuse is about power and control over the victim (Pence & Paymar, 1993). The abuser uses tactics like cheating, physical/emotional abuse, and preventing the woman from leaving to strip her of power. When she tries to break free by ending the relationship, he sees this as her regaining power, so he escalates the abuse to re-establish control.
Narcissistic Tendencies
Many abusers exhibit narcissistic traits like a sense of superiority, lack of empathy, and self-centeredness (Dutton & Golant, 1995). In their minds, the rules don't apply to them, so they feel entitled to cheat and mistreat their partner. If she leaves, it damages their ego, leading to further abuse as punishment.
Insecurity and Jealousy
Paradoxically, some abusers are deeply insecure. They cheat due to their own issues but are extremely jealous and try to control their partner out of fear of losing them (Dutton, 1995). When she decides to leave, their insecurities are triggered, prompting more abuse to force her to stay. It's crucial to understand that the abuse is NEVER the victim's fault.
According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, on average, 24 people per minute are victims of rape, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner in the United States (NDVH, 2023). If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, there is help available from local hotlines and organizations. National Domestic Violence Hotline https://www.thehotline.org/get-help/
References:
Bancroft, L. (2003). Why does he do that? Inside the minds of angry and controlling men. Penguin Books.
Dutton, D. G. (1995). The batterer: A psychological profile. Basic Books.
Dutton, D. G., & Golant, S. K. (1995). The batterer: A psychological profile. Basic Books.
National Domestic Violence Hotline (NDVH). (2023). Get the facts & figures. https://www.thehotline.org/resources/statistics/
Pence, E., & Paymar, M. (1993). Education groups for men who batter: The Duluth model. Springer Publishing Company.
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